For the past forty-three years, I have worked with people to help them better understand their bodies. I teach them how to be more comfortable not only with the direct manipulation of the hands-on techniques of Rolfing® but also how to sleep, walk, sit, and stand in ways that they feel supported.
I have come to know something about myself that I must admit has shocked me. I have spent a good part of my life not knowing what I look like in terms of my weight or body mass. When I think I feel heavy or puffy, people tell me I’m thin. There is some weird disconnect there, and I’ve begun to look at it more closely.
The Floating Head
When I graduated from college and moved back to the Hartford area, I lived on the bottom floor of a two-family house. It was pleasant and safe, but like most renters, I had no control over many things. I lived there for eighteen years, which saw me through so many changes over so many formative years – my parents’ divorce, my Rolfing training, and my adulthood.
The medicine cabinet over the sink in the bathroom of my apartment was my only mirror. I existed from my clavicles to the top of my head as the cabinet was mounted on the high side.
All I ever saw was my shoulders to my face – a floating head. We are so much more than that, but that was the only image I had of myself. I looked the same every day.
When I saw rare photos of myself (I hated having my picture taken), I would not recognize that person. She had my face, but she had a body I could not identify. She was quite large and had a good structure, but did not look all that familiar to me.
After some reflection on those early years, I realized I had a body image problem that some would call body dysmorphia or body dysmorphic disorder (BDD). A few common symptoms are constantly checking yourself in the mirror, avoiding mirrors, or trying to hide your body under a hat or scarf or by using make-up.
Basically, I had no clue what I looked like from the shoulders down! I did my best to avoid looking at mirrors and found solace in just seeing my face. Thank goodness big shoulder pads were in fashion in those days as they worked to even out proportions so women looked more balanced and structured – or so fashion said, and so we thought!
We Are What We Eat. We Are Who Made Us. But Most of All, We Are Ourselves!
Genetics dictate the shape of where and how fat is stored in your body. My dad was a four-letter man in high school and a three-letter man in college, so he was naturally athletic but got bulkier as he aged. My mom was naturally lean, petite, health conscious, and had beautiful posture. Now, at 95 years old, she is still trim and just ended her 60-year love of playing tennis five years ago at age 90! As I gained weight with age and dealt with the stresses and traumas of life, I just got bigger all over my athletic frame.
There were three members of my dad’s family who weighed 500 pounds and one who was about 425 pounds. When I was growing up, they all lived a couple of blocks away from us, so we visited frequently. There were always lots of goodies when we visited, and “food was love” for the Sklars.
Mom would yell at me and my sister when we were young that if we didn’t stop eating all the junk and bad food, we would look like the Sklars! That was a frightening idea for a young girl to face because my relatives were so big it was almost scary. But how do you stop eating all that homemade cake, candy, and ice cream when it was bountiful and delicious, and fruits and veggies were so boring?
So, in my twenties and thirties, I only existed from the neck up in my mind. It is said that body perception could be a distortion created by our past observations of ourselves. I was fooled by my brain to remember the younger me, so as I grew older, there was an illusion that I was thinner than I actually was.
Clothing at that time was a popular brand with elasticized waist slinky pants and skirts and boxy jackets, so there was no tight this or that to give me a clue. Many times, I blamed my dryer for over-drying my clothes because they felt tighter – especially in the months after Halloween and the holidays. I still had no clue what I looked like in the world.
Shift Your Reality
When I bought my home twenty-seven years ago, I had a bathroom mirror that was from the top of the counter to a foot below the ceiling. Getting out of the shower was a nightmare, so I made sure it was foggy after my shower. We go to great lengths to hide.
About fifteen years ago, I had a huge epiphany (after having had breast cancer) and shifted the importance of food in my life, letting nourishment take center stage. I reduced my weight by forty pounds and have kept it off. I wear fitted clothing that helps keep me in check. I look in the mirror. I deal with my emotions without stuffing them. I have made conscious choices to feel healthy and chose a lifestyle that better represents me. I still eat my chocolate and sweets at times, but sugar does not run me, pizza does not run me, cheese does not run me. There are now plenty of photos of me to share with friends and family.
It takes work to shift your reality; it takes work to keep focus on what’s important to you. I urge you to look at yourself, see what it is that serves you, and make some changes. It is time for a reset, perhaps one that can reshape your life, your health, and your happiness. Go for it! It’s never too late.
Sharon Sklar is in her 43rd year of private practice as a Certified Advanced Rolfer. She has been voted one of Natural Nutmeg’s 10BEST Bodyworkers for the last five years. Sharon works with direct manipulation of the soft tissue of the body and movement re-education over a ten-session series to help her clients feel freer, get more balanced, and reduce chronic pain. Great for athletes, children, and adults recovering from the stress, injuries, or traumas of life. Inquiries are encouraged! State Licensed. Call 860.561.4337 for more info or to schedule a consultation.
www.SharonSklarRolfing.com