Thoughts support action:If you live in America today, I’m sure you have heard a variation of the above title phrase before. If you’re like most people, it sounds right to you…but the devil is in the details, and you may have some trouble figuring out how to apply this positivity-type practice to your everyday life.
As an organizational and life-enhancement coach, my job is to alleviate any disparity my clients have between the life of their dreams and the life they are living now. As a coach, I find that I spend a large amount of time helping my clients to identify goals, organize and streamline their lives and schedules, and create finite action steps which allow them to achieve their dreams.
In so doing, I’ve found that people’s “default thoughts” frequently determine if this is an easy or a laborious process.
For example, let’s take “Susan”, a client of mine who we discussed in a past article.
Susan has a busy and full life, and in the article I described how we organized her schedule so that she could get more done by grouping “like” action items together. This also freed up some much needed ‘Susan time’ for her. We scheduled time for regular exercise, which improved Susan’s mood and gave her more energy. Overall, creating a more clearly defined and prioritized schedule made a big difference for Susan.
However, after a few sessions, Susan and I both noticed that many of her “default thoughts” were often of a “self sabotaging” nature. They continually formed barriers that made it unnecessarily difficult for her to implement her action steps consistently, making it much harder to reach her goals. Susan agreed to confront those thoughts head-on.
By eliminating the thoughts that were draining her energy, and replacing them with thoughts that were empowering, Susan’s progress toward her goals was dramatically accelerated…and she had a lot more fun along the way!
From resentment to empowerment:It takes some forethought and discipline to approach our life with the attitude required to thrive, but the payoff is huge! A relatively small effort to create a new “thought habit” can yield enormous results.
One of the key ways of doing this is by eliminating thoughts that leave you feeling negative, embittered, pessimistic, and ultimately drained of energy. Usually, if you have resistance or resentment about the things you feel you have to do, it is because:
1. You feel forced into tasks, roles, and activities that aren’t part of “the life of your dreams.”
2. You don’t feel sufficiently acknowledged for your efforts, even the ones done in service of others.
3. You feel some despair because you don’t see how you are ever going to have the time or energy to change things.
Self-defeating thoughts are burdensome and get in the way of a “just do it” attitude, making it extremely difficult to carry out your plan of action. If you want to make consistent progress toward your goals, you need to eliminate any “sabotaging” thought processes, and replace them with empowering ones. Empowering thoughts typically have one of the following qualities:
Ownership: In order to feel empowered, you need to OWN the fact that you have chosen your responsibilities. By claiming ownership of a task or a responsibility, you begin to feel how you have directed the course of your life, and can continue to do so. Far different from when you felt your responsibilities had “happened to you” and you HAD TO DO some task that’s not fair or even acknowledged by others.
Self-Approval/Appreciation: Many of us feel that we are waiting for some external approval meter which will finally signal that we are recognized and honored for our efforts. In Susan’s case, she felt like she had to do way too much, and, even worse, nobody cared or appreciated her efforts. Unfortunately, no amount of accolades or recognition pulled from external sources ever made Susan feel better, as it always felt like “too little, too late.”
We noted this recurring pattern of feeling unrecognized in many parts of Susan’s life, and so Susan and I decided to create a self-acknowledgement ritual for her to do daily. This involved taking time everyday to acknowledge her unique amazing brilliance and the awe-inspiring way she organizes a big life for a lot of people. This can be done looking in the mirror and complimenting yourself earnestly—looking in your eyes. Or, in Susan’s case it worked best to journal compliments to herself, stating them in the way she would like to hear them from other people.
By the way, others aren’t withholding compliments for you. They are either just too busy to notice what you are doing (probably busy trying to get some compliments of their own!), or not full enough of love themselves to pass any along. So give the love you seek to yourself and cut out the middleman!
Release of guilt: After a bit of poking around it was apparent to Susan that she felt frustrated and guilty around money. She has raised her children in a wonderful home, creates wonderful meals, earns money, is a careful spender mostly…but these things were hard for her to see. The self-acknowledgement work had clicked with Susan so we decided to apply that here as well. Susan journaled a “rampage of appreciation” listing her successes relating with money. She didn’t write any of her fears of failure or of not making enough—only a list of the good stuff. We did this because she had to even things out—she had been telling herself only the bad stuff for years! This self-acknowledgement of her skill and success with money started to break the evil spell of the guilt-ridden story Susan had been telling herself. Approaching money without her old story gave her the freedom to make different choices and create great new outcomes!
Supporting activities: Without exception, my clients report that all of the above practices are far easier to maintain when they practice regular self care. For your goals to succeed and for you to create a sustainable, balanced, and successful life, you must have a strong self-care and self-nourishment practice. This basically means exercise at least 4-days a week, have quiet time, and fun time. Prioritize your self-care in your day to day life, because it really is the most important thing for your overall wellness and success. If you skimp on self-care you will feel resentful, overburdened, and unacknowledged. You will compensate with over-spending or eating or some other cyclical behavior. Your inner self will rebel, or go on strike, if you do not acknowledge and celebrate him or her! Make time everyday to get back to who you are, the essence of you. Start to value serenity over stimulation. Walk in the quiet of the woods, sketch in your journal, even if you’re not planning on becoming an artist for work, go to a cute café far from your home town and read for hours. Workout at a new gym or an old one….Do any and all of it to honor the fun creative side of you!
So, in closing I will say that it’s not enough to just know all of these things intellectually. We all do, at least to some extent. To have real change and satisfaction you need to feel your change of attitude in your body and spirit…and you do that by consciously redirecting your thoughts. Repeating your new belief to yourself while walking in the woods, or sitting in meditation—even singing it to yourself in your car while driving to work will help cement your new decisions and attitudes as your new reality! And this will bring together your self-care time with some goal-directed work—so you get two things “off your list” at once!
Having said that, I am off to do some walking and cartwheels now! My body and spirit are very excited! Enjoy your journey and contact me if I can help you with some personal coaching! Love and warmth to you this winter!
Tiffany Chion is a Life Coach, Yoga Teacher, Avid Gardener, and Cat Lover. Her website is http://truewellnesscoaching.com/. If you would like to have a FREE phone consultation with Tiffany, to see if coaching is right for you, call 860-342-8783 or email truewellnesscoaching@gmail.com