Resistance to change can stem from many sources, but a common reason is a lack of psychological safety. What is that? Psychological safety is the feeling that the change will be manageable and worthwhile, and that it is taking place in an environment where harm will not occur.
People have a variety of defenses, both conscious and unconscious, to protect themselves from being overwhelmed.
When working toward behavior change or altering internal beliefs to improve mental health, change will only happen when the person feels it is safe to use the suggested methods and that the changes will be positive and something they can follow through on.
If the fight-or-flight response is triggered, the brain signals the body that the situation is not safe, and resistance is the outward manifestation of seeking protection.
Safety factors come from both external environmental sources and internal sources within a person’s mindset and personality. Fostering psychological safety is an important component of supporting healing change.
External Safety Factors
External safety factors include good rapport with the practitioner or group, the physical setting, and a supportive family and community. The relationship with a therapist is widely recognized as one of the most important factors in healing, and when working in a group, there must be a clear sense that the group is a safe place to share. The room itself should be comfortable and inviting, sending cues to the nervous system that the place is safe. The environment you return to after the session is also important. Are family members supportive or dismissive of the healing work you are doing? Does the home and neighborhood feel safe, or does it raise stress levels or retraumatize? This wider view reflects the concept of “the matrix,” which holds that a person’s health is influenced by family, community, and society, not just personal decisions.
Internal Safety Factors
Internal safety factors include readiness for change, relaxed defenses, and flexible thinking. If a person does not feel ready to change, their defenses are likely up because change feels unsafe. Common defenses include denying that a problem exists, blaming others, catastrophizing that the problem is too big to change, or shutting down. Attempts to force change feel like an attack, which further strengthens defenses. When safety is established, defenses relax and thinking becomes more open and flexible. Internal safety allows new insights and perspectives to be explored, leading to openness to other possibilities and pathways to change.
This is why resistance should not always be treated as something to overcome. Sometimes it is useful information, signaling that part of a person does not yet feel ready, supported, or secure enough to move forward. Responding with curiosity instead of pressure can help reveal what is needed to make change feel safer.
Finding Your Safe Space
In my work, I strive to provide as much psychological safety as possible for my clients. We address both external and internal safety factors as part of our ongoing work. The specific therapy I use, Accelerated Resolution Therapy, helps lower defenses by avoiding the retelling of traumatic or challenging events and using creative visualization to take a less confrontational approach to problem-solving. My new office, conveniently located in West Hartford Center, is easily accessible, inviting, and comfortable. Building trust and a positive relationship is at the heart of my practice.
If you are trying to heal and feel resistance to making changes in your life, explore what feels unsafe about thinking or acting differently. Do you feel shame or embarrassment about talking about the problem? Will you have to give something up? Will an important relationship change? Will you have to take an action that feels unfamiliar? Once you’ve identified that fear or danger, build in supports that help you feel you can make changes in a way that feels meaningful, doable, and protected, or at least less vulnerable. Proceed at a pace that feels right for you. Work with providers you trust who make you feel well cared for. Attend to your external and internal safety needs, and change will feel possible.
Michal Klau-Stevens, LCSW, MPH, is the owner of Azure Psychotherapy LLC. She specializes in treating trauma, supporting substance use recovery, and working with women before and during pregnancy and during early parenting years. She is a Master Accelerated Resolution Therapy Practitioner and a Certified Psychedelic-Assisted Therapy Provider. Licensed in CT and MA, she offers office sessions, telehealth, and in-home services in select locations.
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