Boundaries are wonderful guides for our lives. We have boundaries to protect us from physical harm, and we have boundaries to protect us from emotional harm. We learn them as we test the waters of life and try to live fully, hopefully learning from our mistakes. We become steadier and more resilient when all our learned boundaries work well together.
My personal journey with healthy living started during my college years. Life was moving fast, and I never seemed to experience flow in my days. Also, nothing was subtle in my world. I always felt as though I was being hit by a wooden 2 x 4 right in the forehead to knock some sense into me. I was on a delayed reaction most of the time. If someone made a comment to me that was less than okay, it would take three days for the upset to register. I would have to backtrack to settle the issue that hung there after the fact. Sometimes I just ignored it altogether.
I sped through so many changes, both positive and not so much. I sought and participated in many forms of self-help, self-actualization, and, in some cases, self-sabotage. I put my feet in the fire, was adventurous, and naively knew no fear. Sometimes it worked, sometimes not.
Boundaries are not walls that separate us from life; they are bridges that help us meet life more safely and honestly. Without them, we move too quickly, say yes when we mean no, and lose the quiet signals that guide us toward what is nourishing. With them, we can stay open and engaged while still honoring our limits, discovering that true freedom grows from knowing where we end and where the rest of the world begins.
A Person of Action
I actively sought change and was enrolled in several body/mind schools. I was Rolfed in my early twenties, which was the greatest life-changing experience of my life. I began to understand my “self” and was open to the exploration of movement, grounded experiences, and, most of all, the idea of establishing boundaries. The 2 x 4 school of hard knocks seemed to be becoming less aggressive and less painful. I was still not experiencing subtlety, but the blows of life were becoming easier to bear.
My studies included all the prerequisites for enrolling in the Dr. Ida Rolf Institute® in Boulder, Colorado, to begin my Rolfing® training. I received a certification in therapeutic massage and enrolled in college courses in physiology and more anatomy. I sought different body- and mind-centered experiences and took countless classes that helped me grow and understand myself better.
After I completed my Rolfing® training, since I was young and still somewhat ungrounded, it was suggested that I do EST (Erhard Seminar Training), a transformative, intensive training course over several days. It was also life-changing, just as Rolfing® had been for me. EST later evolved into The Landmark Forum, where I remained active for many years through local seminars, fine-tuning my life, growing to know and trust myself more, and letting go of the victim identity.
My four years of studies with renowned psychologist and author Anne Wilson Schaef, and her Living in Process® training, helped me recognize and respond to immediate reactions that I had previously delayed. My emotional boundaries were stronger, and I didn’t suffer the highs and lows of life as much. Instead of “to me,” my world became about things happening “through me.” I became a person of action.
Learning from Life
My younger, fearless self had experienced car accidents, bad falls, strains and pains, and all sorts of physical injuries and calamities that befall people who jump in and do before they think. Gradually, my physical reality aligned with my emotions, allowing me to recognize when situations might be harmful and approach them with caution and thought.
We all must learn to live our lives by noticing the world around us, while also feeling that spark of spontaneity that keeps us fresh and open. It’s important to pay attention to that glitchy feeling inside when something doesn’t feel right.
Our bodies and minds should flow with ease and comfort. When pain is present, whether physical or emotional, it is time to pay attention. Sigmund Freud said that pain was the body’s way of saying something needs to change. Learning to listen to that inner knowing is so important.
Besides the physical manipulation of my work as a Rolfer, I teach people about their physical boundaries and proper body usage. My clients learn how to sit, stand, and sleep comfortably and supported. There are ways to do things, and there are more proper ways to do things with some awareness.
In the past, when I had a lapse in my consciousness, I had car accidents, bad falls, horrible spasms, and pain. Throw in some guilt that I could have prevented these things if I had taken a moment to check in, get centered, and not rush.
We all can learn in retrospect. Perhaps we need to travel the high road and trust our boundaries to avoid the pitfalls of an unexamined life. I urge you to slow down, feel, and look at your actions to stay safe, healthy, and in the flow.
Sharon Sklar has been a Certified Advanced Rolfer in private practice for 45 years. For the past seven years, she has been recognized as one of Natural Nutmeg’s 10BEST Bodyworkers and deeply appreciates this ongoing support. Sharon helps her clients achieve greater freedom of movement, improved balance, and relief from chronic pain through direct manipulation of soft tissue and movement re-education in a ten-session program. Her services benefit athletes, children, and adults recovering from stress, injuries, or trauma. Inquiries are welcome! State Licensed.
To learn more or to book a consultation, call 860.561.4337. SharonSklarRolfing.com.
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