Is there a formula for success in relationships? Have you ever wondered how some couples sustain healthy, happy, loving relationships while others seem to struggle?
When two individuals agree to specific conscious-minded practices, their relationship can thrive.
Imagine this: Two people begin a relationship. They are dancing in the ‘honeymoon’ state of new love. Since they both experienced a few breakups in the past, they decide to work on creating a conscious-minded relationship this time. What this means is that they will make an effort to listen to one another, focus on solutions instead of problems, see opportunities during times of struggle, and most importantly, strive to maintain balance and well-being in their own lives apart from each other. The results of these intentions enable them to experience a relationship that is unlike any other. This means that when relationship ‘problems’ arise, they look at them from a different perspective, which allows for a beautiful and very different unfolding in the relationship.
Is there a formula for success in relationships that some know and some do not? The answer is YES. Try using the 5-Step Formula below and experience it for yourself.
Five-Step Formula For Success Within Healthy Relationships
1. Stay Balanced
If we desire happiness, balance, and love within an intimate relationship then we must embody that within ourselves first. Maintaining a state of balance within means nourishing and nurturing the body, mind, and spirit. This includes staying positive and understanding that our thoughts and emotions have a huge impact on our life experience. It means embodying physical health through eating well and exercising.
Last, and most important, it means cultivating a connection to the divine presence that resides within us all, through meditation or other mindful practices. This practice will allow us to stay more grounded in a state of love and compassion rather than frustration and anger even during the most difficult times. In this balanced state, our heightened awareness helps us to deflect any stress or negative energy that we face in our interactions with others.
2. Be an Active Listener
Most of us simply want to be heard, yet often have a hard time listening to others. Instead of listening, some people defend their point of view in their own mind or even interrupt their partner mid-sentence. Does this sound familiar? Have you ever had a partner approach you with an issue and you started defending yourself before s/he even finished speaking? If this is the case, then it is imperative to practice active listening. When two individuals remember (or at least one remembers and reminds the other) that active listening is the key here, miracles can occur. Disagreements won’t grow into arguments, because the speaker has been able to fully express him/ herself and feels that s/he has been heard. Active listening is respecting your partner’s need to talk while listening patiently and putting your own thoughts, reactions, advice or defenses on hold.
3. Acknowledge and Validate Others’ Feelings
Once the speaker has expressed his/ her feelings, it is essential that the listener acknowledge that s/he has heard the speaker’s feelings and now validates that those feelings are real. This important step can often make all the difference during times of struggle in a relationship. We need to be able to express our feelings, and we need to know that our feelings have been heard. Instead of trying to defend yourself, try this first.
Example: It is completely understandable that you feel (disappointed, angry, resentful; name the emotion) because (I forgot to call you as promised; name what the other person is upset about).
Sometimes this simple acknowledgement is all that the speaker is seeking. We need to be validated by our loved ones and accepted for who we are. And we need to be able to offer the same to them. Potential arguments or disruptions are often avoided when this simple practice takes place.
4. Maintain Power over your State of Being
No one can make us feel a certain way. The way we react to others and the way their words affect us is ultimately in our control. In balanced individuals, there is a knowing and a fundamental sense of peace that resides within, which is stronger than any negative emotion we encounter. When we lose this sense of self, we give this power away and allow others to have control over our state of being. Once we realize that we have control over our own thoughts and reactions to the world around us, we become empowered. This powerful practice takes mental and emotional discipline, but it is well worth the work.
In my practice as a life coach, I have seen individuals carry hard feelings toward their partners or loved ones for days, months, and even years. Many times, the person who ‘caused’ this suffering is not aware of the consequence of his/ her actions, while the other continues to suffer by mulling over the situation again and again. In essence, the individual who caused the pain is in complete control due to the fact that s/he is taking over the other individual’s thoughts and emotions in a negative way.
In order to maintain control over our own emotional state, it is imperative for us to develop and practice various methods that will strengthen our connection to our own inner power. Meditation, spending time in nature, reading inspiring articles and books, watching inspirational films, spending time with conscious-minded individuals, and simply taking frequent deep slow breaths can assist in this process.
5. See Yourself in the Other Person
We are all interconnected. What this means is that we all experience love, forgiveness, compassion, anger, frustration, and conflict at various points in time. When we are able to step back from a difficult situation with a heightened consciousness, we are empowered to see ourselves in the other person. This can assist us in understanding our partner’s perspective on the issue and an important shift in the situation can occur.
When we ask ourselves, “How would I feel if I were in his/her shoes?” we are focusing on the other, listening to what is being said, and putting ourselves in the other’s place, rather than reacting in ways that do not help.
Deepak Chopra speaks of an important universal law: “Give what you want to receive.” In regard to relationships, this is an essential practice. If you think about how you would like to be treated if the roles in a given situation were to be reversed, a different outcome can occur. Each of us deserves to have a healthy, happy, loving relationship with another. We are all capable of loving, and we all deserve to be loved.
The 5-Step Formula for Success offers each of us the opportunity to turn desire into reality. Conscious practice of these intentions can bring our relationships to a new level. As we grow and evolve, our relationships thrive. Give it a try and watch a beautiful unfolding of your relationship with your partner.
Kristen Werblow, M.A. is a Certified Life Coach. To understand exactly how to create a conscious relationship with your partner, contact Kristen at: [email protected], visit her website at www.balancedlivingnow.com or call 860-707-0908.