Last month, I had the pleasure of sitting down with Dr. Judith Orloff, New York Times bestselling author, seasoned psychiatrist, and highly attuned empath, to discuss her new book, The Genius of Empathy. This book is so empowering and enlightening about empathy that the Dalai Lama himself wrote the foreword. Dr. Orloff will take you on a fascinating journey about what it means to be an empath and, more importantly, how, as an empath, you must learn to channel that empathy to various parts of yourself to truly heal.
DH: Why did you write The Genius of Empathy?
JO: I wrote this book at this particular time in history to show how empathy is a healing tool and how to use this energy to tap into it to heal our bodies, relationships, and the world. The book offers practical strategies to create a loving relationship with yourself. In a time when so many people are suffering from anxiety and fear, empathy for self softens the struggle and quiets the unkind voices for you to refriend yourself.
DH: How can you be empathic in this hard world and not take on the stress of it but still be in empathic power?
JO: You can be empathic by realizing it’s not your job to fix anyone or take on the world’s pain. Empaths want to help people heal, but they often become so overwhelmed they shut down. Some empaths eventually give up on other humans and surround themselves with animals. They don’t even want to go outside, so they don’t have to interact with the real world. I don’t want people to go in that direction. I want to give people strategies, teach them how to set boundaries and help them understand they don’t have to be empathic with everyone.
I teach people how to develop their spiritual side by protecting it, even if they’re involved with many people who are suffering. If this is the case, the best thing to do is send others a burst of supportive, loving energy from your heart rather than worrying about them. When you worry, both people suffer. Learn the basic skills of finding balance, self-care, developing intuition, and reading energy – to sense who is positive to be around and who isn’t good for you. Part of your job in this lifetime is to develop your intuition and learn to express it with sensitivity but not overshare.
DH: As a psychiatrist, how do you combine your empath skills with traditional science?
JO: It’s what I do every day in my private practice. I combine medical knowledge with intuition and empathic skills – the linear mind with the nonlinear mind. I’m able to listen from both places, which is an unbelievable skill. I was never taught to do this in medical school. I developed this trait after I finished my residency at UCLA from a spiritual teacher who was Daoist. I educate my patients about harmonizing with nature, reacting with empathy, and recognizing their trigger points. Integration is key for me.
DH: What are the gifts and challenges of being an empath?
JO: Some gifts are intuition, depth, the ability to connect with people and love, to be a loving partner and friend, and to have a deep connection to spirituality and the desire to help people and the world.
The biggest challenge is that most empaths are emotional sponges; they take on the stress of others and the world. This affects people negatively, and I’ve seen patients develop mystery symptoms, heart disease, and back problems. Empaths and all sensitive people tend to somaticize, which converts anxiety into physical symptoms. This happens when emotions go into the body. In The Genius of Empathy, I teach people how to release emotions from the body.
DH: How is empathy a healing force to tap into?
JO: Empathy opens up the power of love in
your body so you can learn to channel that loving, kind energy toward yourself for physical healing. If you have pain, go into meditation and focus on heart energy, and picture it going to that part of your body that is in distress. You can learn to direct that empathy to various parts of yourself that will help heal your emotions. If you’re suffering, lost, or no one understands you, if you’re overwhelmed – if you connect to your heart and consciously direct that loving, empathic energy to parts of you that are hurting, it will transform and heal you. You have to try it as it’s an experiential truth. Keep breathing out other people’s stress so it doesn’t come into your body.
DH: Why do you think empathy is a superpower?
JO: Empathy is the one force that can change our world. Empaths and sensitive, caring people are emissaries for spreading empathy instead of narcissism, egotism, and self-absorption. Empaths have a greater connection to the world; they see the planet in totality and feel how interconnected we all are.
DH: How can you empathize without taking on the stress of others?
JO: A few important ways I discuss in the book include setting boundaries, learning to say a firm no kindly, shielding yourself with light around your body to keep out an energy you’re uncomfortable with, meditating, and breathing. Create a sacred space in your office or at home with candles and flowers as a meditation room. Shift out of your mind and into your empathic heart. If you can’t sit, a walking meditation is an excellent way to be in nature and feel connected to your body. Being around animals can help bring you into a meditative state. Go slow with the practice of empathy – the slower you go, the better. It’s not something you do fast or force yourself to do. If you feel attracted to this, then it’s for you.
Empathy helps you let go of resentments that make you age faster, gain weight, and develop chronic disease. Letting go of resentments is challenging because the ego gets involved when people hurt you. I’m not saying forgive the troubling act, but forgive the person for being emotionally wounded themselves or for having “empathy deficient disorder,” such as narcissism, that hurt you.
You don’t forgive the horrible act, but you forgive the woundedness that motivated it. This detaches you from the person who hurt you, so you’re not energetically bound to them. Resentment binds you to the person because they inhabit the psychic space in your mind, which forges an invisible bond between you. You don’t even have to think about them; you just have to learn the lesson they taught you. This helps heal trauma and lets you focus on the present and the future. If you have too many resentments, they will clog your mind and energy field. Take the time to deal with your feelings – you can’t do this overnight. It often takes time to let go of the resentment.
DH: What are some practical empathy techniques to heal your life and relationships?
JO: Listen to someone without interrupting; only bring up one issue at a time. Hear a person out; hear their perspective. Have empathy for yourself. Recognize when someone has empathy deficient disorder – part of empathy for yourself means realizing other’s limitations. They are never going to give you what you want even though they claim to be able to. Self-empathy is cutting the cord and letting them go. Empathy for self means being attracted to people who can reciprocate your caring. Know what you want from relationships, ask for it, and know when someone can’t give to you.
If I can leave your readers with one piece of advice, it’s to go slow with the healing power of empathy. Practice one empathy-in-action tool a day from the book. Realize what an incredibly beautiful thing it is to show empathy.
Judith Orloff, MD, is a psychiatrist, an empath, and author of the new book The Genius of Empathy, which offers powerful skills to tap into empathy as a daily healing practice in your life and relationships. She also wrote The Empath’s Survival Guide and Thriving as an Empath. Dr. Orloff is a New York Times bestselling author and a UCLA clinical faculty member. She synthesizes the pearls of conventional medicine with cutting-edge knowledge of intuition, energy, and spirituality. Dr. Orloff specializes in treating highly sensitive people in her private practice. She has been featured on The Today Show, CNN, Oprah Magazine, and the New York Times.
Learn more about Dr. Orloff’s book tour dates/talks, her free Empath Support Newsletter, empaths and empathy at: www.drjudithorloff.com