In previous articles we explored the benefits of life coaching, including improved mood, more healthful thought processes, better relationships, and the true fulfillment of goals.
I frequently get questions asking how life coaching works. To help answer, I’ve created the following brief “DIY” coaching session for you to try on your own. It addresses a very common problem, which is a general feeling of being scattered, frazzled, and spread too thin. I wish you much success, so enjoy, and let me know how it works for you!
Clarify
With the fast pace of the world, it is easy to feel scattered, which makes it difficult to keep a big picture perspective. My clients often felt so busy attending to life’s little everyday emergencies that they didn’t have time to concentrate on what’s really important to them in the long term. That’s why the first step in life coaching is to Clarify.
To Clarify for yourself, you first need to get quiet inside. I suggest taking a brisk walk to clear your mind, and then finding a quite space in which to write. If you can carve this out at home, fine. If not, go to a quiet café or a bench in the park. When you feel quiet and calm, begin writing. Be brief and succinct, covering the important points of each item below.
- What parts of your day and your life do you enjoy most? Why? Do you have time to do them now with your schedule as it stands?
- What parts of your life are causing you the most discomfort or distress? Why?
- What is one goal that you really want to achieve? It’s OK if you don’t know how you can pull it off right now; just write the ideal scenario. Have fun with it!
- What is one thing that if you did it every day would make you feel happier and more grounded?
Organize
The next step is to Organize the ideas you’ve just Clarified into categories and then create a schedule that allows you to really change things!
To do this I suggest you make two simple worksheet templates on attractive construction paper, using a pencil.If you have trouble with the layout, contact me and I will send you some.
On one sheet, divide the page into 6 boxes. This is your ‘Brain Dump’ list. In each box, you are going write a heading representative of a category of responsibilities that you invest time and energy into. Include categories for your answers to the questions above, plus all your other responsibilities.
As an example, I’ll use “Susan” (a client who gave me permission to use her worksheets). The headings of her category boxes are:
Box #1: Motherhood, Relationship, Maintaining household – #2: Graduate School – #3: Part time job – #4: Managing Finances/Bills – #5: Caring for elderly parent – #6: Exercise/Self Care
Go ahead and make your categories now.
Now, take 15 minutes to do a “Brain Dump”, writing all the To Do items that have been taking up space in your head under each appropriate category. When you’ve written all you can think of, stop — and appreciate for a minute what you just did. What was a scattered jumble of individual items in your head, or written on various post-its and notebooks, is now all contained right here on this sheet. It’s all listed neatly, and in just a handful of categories, instead of a billion individual items. It’s very calming, isn’t it? Right now, at this very moment, you’re more in control of your life than ever!
The next step is to use the categories you just created to make a schedule template. On a second sheet of paper, make seven columns (one for each day of the week). Alternatively, you can use an organizer (although I suggest you avoid electronic calendars).
Now, think about your week. Which days have things you must do consistently? For example, Susan has an appointment to bring her elderly Mom to the doctor every Monday, take the kids to practice on Monday and Wednesday, work etc…
Fill in your recurring weekly appointments on your calendar now.
Now here comes the best part. The two secrets to creating a life that flows smoothly are:
- Group together activities that are similar, so you don’t have to “switch mental gears”. Studies show that multitasking results in a loss of at least 45 minutes in a day, and that doesn’t even count the emotional energy drain of trying to handle a work call while going on what should be a relaxing walk, or having the kids clambering for your attention while you try to pay bills.
- Designate time for YOU. By this I mean designate weekly recurring “appointments” where you do the things that nourish you emotionally, physically, and spiritually. By prioritizing self-care, you’ll ultimately be able to contribute more to others and the world, as you’ll be at your very best.
To apply the first of those strategies to your calendar, once you have “must-do” appointments filled in, look at your list of categories on the Brain Dump sheet, and designate blocks of time adjacent to your appointments to do any same category tasks. Remember, we want to clump together categorically similar activities, which require similar thought processes.
For example, on Tuesdays and Thursdays Susan takes classes at a college campus and has a 4-hour break between classes. To use that 4 hours efficiently, instead of wasting time driving home, she does her homework. Since she is already in “school mode” this is a cohesive and natural pairing which improves productivity. She does her best to do all of her school work in this 4 hour period so it doesn’t bleed over. She often finishes early, so she brings her mail/bills with her and processes them with the extra time, as both require her to be in the same mindset and free from distraction.
To apply the second strategy, you want to identify some unused blocks of time (ideally at least 1 hour daily) and designate them as YOU time. If you’re like many people today, you are thinking “Wait a minute, I don’t have any unused blocks of time!” While that may seem to be the case, you’ll be surprised by how much time you free by categorically grouping activities. If you still don’t see any open time for YOU, then look at “repurposing” time that is currently being used for other, ultimately less important, activities.
Use this YOU time to do the things that nourish you, be it doing yoga, taking a long walk, journaling in a coffee shop, or reading a good book. It works best if you have a specific activity planned for each day, to ensure you keep a balance.
When Susan first came to me, she had zero time for herself on Mondays. We did some creative thinking, and she now has more than 2-hours of time for herself! How did we do it? First, when she brings her Mom to physical therapy she has an hour wait. One of Susan’s goals is to exercise more and lose weight, so now, rather than reading boring magazines in the waiting room each Monday, she instead takes a brisk 45-minute walk around a pretty park. She then heads home to grab the kids for soccer practice, during which she has 2 hours free. She used to sit with the other moms while they gossiped, but she now uses that time to go to her favorite coffee shop to journal.
You will undoubtedly find that each week there will be exceptional events that pop up. So, it’s important to have designated weekly planning time to adjust your schedule accordingly, ensuring that you still keep things grouped, and also keep designated YOU time. Sunday or Monday are when most of my clients do this, since organizing action items and projects early in the week helps them start the week with a big picture perspective.
Susan made Friday “date night” with her husband, making sure to really be present and not whittle the time away by complaining or worrying about work. Instead, she enjoys connecting with her husband, rejuvenating their relationship and their zest for life! On Saturday, when her husband brings their sons to practice, Susan has the house to herself. With this quiet time, she journals, putters, and does yoga. It’s a welcome retreat which makes her feel calm and nourished.
With her children, she has chosen to make a ritual of reading to them for an hour every evening before bed. This has become a grounding way to wind down for all concerned and provides quality time that’s impossible to achieve in the rushing around of the day.
Exercise (your new schedule)
This is where you Exercise trust in the schedule you have created and adhere to it. It will provide structure and boundaries for you and keep you focused and calm. Multitasking is erroneously overrated. Though you may feel productive because you are busy and your tongue is hanging out — you can actually get more of what you really want done with a stable, structured schedule. Your schedule is your key to sanity! It will help you to create the life you desire and truly fulfill your goals.
I have many clients, all unique with very different lives…and all of them have reported a huge benefit and sense of relief after implementing their schedule. I hope you do too! Contact me with feedback about your experience or if you have any questions or need guidance as you go along. I’m here to help!
Tiffany Chion is a Life Coach, Yoga Teacher, Avid Gardener, and Cat Lover. If you would like to have a FREE phone consultation with Tiffany, to see if coaching is right for you, call 860-342-8783 or email [email protected].