In a recent conversation with a yoga instructor, I said, “I have a love/hate relationship with yoga!” After thinking about it, I clarified that it was more of a “desire/resistance” relationship. In keeping with the IFS (Internal Family Systems) language and framework through which I see life, there is a part of me that greatly desires to practice and “master” yoga, and there is another part that resists because I find it difficult! Both parts want what they think is best for me, and both have something to teach me.
A Conversation Between Body and Mind
In working with my therapy clients, I am always encouraging them to notice what they are experiencing in their bodies and to notice what they are saying to themselves. More often than not, I will receive the response “I don’t know” in reference to what they’re experiencing in their bodies. We are a culture that has become greatly disconnected from our bodies. I believe yoga is a practice about the constant conversation between the body and the mind. There is a part of me that wants it to flow, a part that wants the peacefulness and calm I tend to associate with yoga, and that doesn’t always happen. My mind tells me it should come naturally, it should feel good…and yet my body doesn’t always reflect that.
In the psychotherapy world, we often refer to “top-down” or “bottom-up” processing. This refers to either starting with the mind (top) and then moving into the body (down) or vice versa. We are a “figure it out” society and approach most things from the mind. However, it is evident to me, more often than not, that our bodies hold the answers we are seeking. My clients will ask me to help them “figure it out,” or sometimes they ask me to figure it out for them! I invite them to notice their body, to notice what they are feeling, what the body is telling them. For some, this is a journey of many figurative miles as they have not paid much attention to their bodies. It is like learning a new language. It takes time, attention, mindfulness, listening…not just with our ears, but with the “ear of the heart.”
Self-Energy
In IFS, we work toward experiencing our SELF-energy, which has been described and defined in many different ways. I like to think of it as who we are at our core, the divine within, the life force within. It is an energy that holds space. Our ego structure forms as we live our lives, and parts of us take on different roles to help us manage this human journey. Sometimes, through trauma (big T or little t trauma), these parts are forced into extreme roles. They work hard to be sure their human never experiences that type of pain again. Obviously, that eventually fails, as pain is inevitable on this human journey.
My work is to help clients identify parts in their system, especially those who have been forced into an extreme role, assist the client in accessing his/her self-energy, and then supporting what we call “unburdening” of the roles, beliefs, fears, and so on. It’s a beautiful process that can sometimes feel like peeling away layers of protectors (gently and compassionately) by connecting with them, learning about them, and permitting them to release the extreme role they have been doing for us. Beautiful.
Eddie Stern, in his book One Simple Thing, defines the word “sadhana” as “spiritual practice,” and the purpose of this practice is “liberation from suffering…which is liberation from identification with everything that is other than awareness.” Another word, “vishesha,” or “that which is left over after all the changing objects of the world no longer color our experience,” feels to me like the experience of SELF.
Just Breathe
Yoga is an ongoing journey that feels new to me all the time. I am fascinated by the words, the postures, the history, and the breathing. For me, it begins with breath. Whether I am in my office with a client, helping them connect to their body through the breath, sitting alone in quiet meditation, or on my mat engaging once again in the practice of yoga…it is the breath that invites me and supports me as I learn more, struggle more, rest more, and just breathe. It is there that I welcome both the part that desires and the part that resists. And for the record, I love them both.
Charleen K. Miele, LPC, is a Licensed Professional Counselor who started her journey as a teacher, church music director, and fitness instructor. Charleen works with clients both in person and via telehealth and has recently added Trauma Informed Breathwork to her work. She offers her clients the opportunity to experience IFS and/or breathwork through in-person and online sessions and is currently offering group breathwork sessions online and will be hosting workshops and group sessions in person in the new year. Life coaching and spiritual life coaching, including breathwork and IFS work, are also available both as individual sessions and as packages of two, four, or six sessions. Charleen will soon be offering self-paced online courses as well as interactive groups that will meet for a series of weeks and will include lectures, discussions, journaling, and experiential somatic work through breathing and movement.
Visit: thesacredselfllc.com. Contact Charleen at: [email protected] or call 860.614.8382. Located at 171 Market Square #102, Newington, CT.